Head. Under. Water.

Before you start reading this post let me just put out this disclaimer. WARNING: extremely self indulgent, whine-fest ahead. Do not read if you do not possess empathy or a good sense of humor or at the very least a forgiving personality. (I'd hate to lose you permanently, you see.)

I am fully aware of the fact that my life is cush compared to that of a lot of other folks. However, even those who are truly blessed (I fall somewhere in between) have their days where it seems life is just dumping on them. If the 4 of you who read my blog have read my earlier posts you will know I am in the market to buy a home. WOW, what a process this is.

Short history: I lost my mother two and a half years ago at the age of 22. I had, and still have, A LOT to learn. She was my teacher and I did as most 20 year olds do and did not pay enough attention. Then *poof* like that--she is gone. Heart-stopping, heart-breaking, mind-numbing. I was still on the "Mom,  will you make me a dentist appointment" plan. Suddenly, I had to learn to take care of myself. Insurance, bills, buying a car (horrible experience), dealing with a wrecked car the first time on my own, moving, setting up a 401K, moving again, holidays (have never been and will never be the same), and taking care of my father. All of these things have been hard as hell, but I have triumphed...mostly...

Enter buying my first home. All of the things listed above I would gladly do again alone if she could just come back and help me with this. My father tries to help, but he hasn't bought property in over 30 years. Things are different. I have friends and the parents of friends who offer their help but I don't want it. I want the one person who can not be here. So I set off to do this thing alone. I know once the process is complete and I am drinking my first cup of coffee in my new home I will look out at my beautiful view and feel her presence. She has been with me the whole time. And that is why I feel at peace going through this hellacious process alone. No daddy's down payment, no husband to help split the responsibilities of getting paperwork together, no Ty Pennington yelling "MOVE THAT BUS" to reveal to me a new home. Nope, just me, well and my lovely Realtor.

The point here is, I feel as if I am drowning in a sea of W2's, tax returns, bank statements and lists. I am drowning in judgement from the bank as they pour over my bank accounts. It is slightly humiliating and certainly humbling. Believe me, if and when this process ends favorably for me I will be living in this bad boy for a long time to come.

If you too are embarking on this journey here are my words of advice as of now:

1. If the property is for sale by owner, I still recommend a Realtor. Shop around. There are some good "Buyer's Agents" out there and they will work to ensure that you get your best deal. It allows you to avoid the awkward "negotiation phase" and if you're anything like me and hate confrontation, this is nice. Also, she knows the process. At the very least, do your research on the process. This probably won't be an issue as most homes will be for sale by a realtor.

2. Financing. Do your research. I decided to use a Credit Union that I already have my vehicles financed through. This is nice because they know your history and you have already built a rapport with them. My loan officer sent me this article by Forbes. It is at the very least interesting. It is about building the perfect loan file.

3. Be prepared. They are going to want your bank statement. This means all pages. Even your debits. For me this is embarrassing. I eat a lot of fast food and shop a lot. There may be one or two overdrafts due to poor management. In short, my bank statements do not paint me in a flattering light. I am not naive to this. I fought like hell to avoid it. In the end, they will need them. Be ready. Also, W2's and tax returns, these are not things I keep on hand. Luckily my CPA has been wonderful and emailed me copies of everything I needed.

4. Lastly, be honest. Anything you put on an application is subject to verification. If you say you make $150,000 a year, they will want proof. If you say you have $10,000 in your bank account, they will want proof. Lying will only harm you. It is better to be honest and tell them "I've got $5,000 in the bank" and that you're on a strict savings plan and will be happy to put up a down payment. Maybe you don't have the money in the bank right now. There is no harm in that. Life is all about the liquid. "ITS MY MONEY, AND I NEED IT NOW."

I hope this is helpful to someone. A little more cut and dry and in layman's terms. At the very least I will look back one day and laugh at how much I stressed myself out over this process.

Wish me luck, I certainly need the good juju.

Thank you for listening.


  1. I lost my mom when I was 24 years old (I'm 32 now). It's been extremely hard. We weren't all that close though. But irregardless of that fact, it still royally sucks. And then to add the topper on the cake, my brother passed 2 years ago. So now it's just me and my dad left in a family unit of 4. I've done a lot of things since that sometimes I think what would my mom's advice have been. I've bought lots of properties, bought my business, went to work on the road to make extra money...lots of things since she passed. I'm glad my dad has been my rock since. And my hubby. You definitely need a good support system! I hope the house buying thing has gotten easier (did you buy one yet?)

    1. I've definitely used my friends as a place to vent my frustrations ha! My offer was accepted and I close September 16th!! I am so thrilled. I'm sorry to hear about your mom and brother, I worried for 2 years about my Dad because there was no way I could handle anything happening to him so soon. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, though, I really believe that! Thanks for reading and the comment! :) :)



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