Who I'm Not.

Are you ever just browsing Facebook or someone else's blog and think..."no way in hell would you ever catch me doing that!"? Well I do. And I mean frequently. So here is a little compilation, because sometimes I feel the best way to get to know a person is find out exactly where they draw the line.

1. Being a vegetarian. Blame it on Texas, but this girl will never give up her meats. You can't show me any documentary or research that will change my mind. I eat red meat at least twice a week, and I'll be real...I could eat it more. That said, every meal of mine probably consists of meat. Breakfast always has bacon, albeit turkey bacon..but it's still meat, or sausage. Lunch usually consists of a sandwich or a salad with grilled chicken or lunch meat, and dinner...well those are always random, but you can probably bet the farm it's gonna have meat.



It's in our nature people. 


2. Lace shorts. What sparked this whole post. I saw one of the online boutiques I follow posting lace shorts and cringed. Hello adult diaper. I think this look is hideous.


What the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks?! This model has a great figure. She could wear anything, so lets be real when she isn't getting paid I hope she throws on some cute NON-HIGH-WAISTED cut offs and a cute top and burns these.



3. You will never find me LOVING to workout. I do it. I tolerate it. I know it is necessary. What else is necessary? Teeth cleanings, annual gyno check-up, eyebrow waxes, oil changes...what do all of these things have in common with working out...they're necessary and unenjoyable. I am never going to be the chick who writes a fitness blog or who does crossfit or who goes crazy for a workout.




4. "Couponing". The art of saving money is not lost on me, but you're talkin' to a girl who will actually forgo taking back an item that doesn't fit. You really think I am pinching pennies enough to coupon. Furthermore, who the hell as space for 5 bottles of laundry detergent, 10 packs of paper towels, and 4 boxes of Swiffer pads? Not I, said the broke girl.



5. The "Morning Person". OH heeeeyalll no. I don't think I'll ever be that old lady who is up with the sunrise and my 3 persians. Just ain't in my future. I am really jealous of those folks...like my aunt and uncle...who get up around 4-5 am, drink their coffee, relax and take their time. Me looks something like this: Be at work between 8-8:30--alarm at 7:20, snooze until 7:45, walk and feed dog, make coffee, throw on makeup, dig for something to wear, snarl at reflection of bad hair and sheet lines on cheek, run out door with coffee in hand, sweating, make it to work at 8:20. STRESSFUL. If I could get up early I could go to the gym, shower, make a good breakfast (instead of the frozen things we have in our office freezer), and start my day chill. But nope, not this girl.



6. A planner. Oh how I try and try and try at this. I just seem to lose my notebooks. My cellphone is a useless calendar because it is usually dying. I inevitably forget chore after chore, always leave the grocery store without an item I really needed, would never make a or doctor appointment if it weren't for them calling to remind me a day prior. I am always overpacked but missing the important stuff I actually need. This one is a problem I would love to fix...but how?!




So what was the moral of this rambling? I know I am not perfect. Each of these qualities I have or will never possess make up who I am. I am a meat eating, workout loathing, no lace shorts wearing, non-money-saving, night owl, who sucks at planning--and that is okay!

I hope you could get a chuckle out of this and am sorry if anyone was offended but no vegetarians, girls in lace shorts, crossfitters, or early risers were harmed in the writing of this. What about "Couponers" you ask? Have you seen those people?! They're worse than soccer moms on black Friday. I stay outta their way!

4 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, you are HILARIOUS.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! If one person laughs I am satisfied!

      Delete
  2. I'm pretty sure we are the same person. I could've written this exact post! lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gir, I'm constantly seeing things that make me shake my head and think "WHO DOES THIS?!"

      Delete

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